Whatchoo Talkin 'bout Willis??????

Friday night I paid a visit to the ER. Early in the day I began having severe pain (and other problems I won't mention again) on my left hand side. The pain was continuous for a number of hours. I called my Dr's office. I had an appointment scheduled with them for a yearly exam on Monday. They thought I most likely had cysts that had ruptured. I was told to take it easy and go the ER if any of the symptoms worsened. A few hours later the symptoms definitely worsened....WOW did they worsen. I went to the ER after getting some wonderful family members to come watch the kids for me. Justin met me there. They took me back got me comfortable, took some blood, started an IV and gave me some pain medication, which was what I was really wanting! I explained my pain as not sharp or stabbing but more like labor pains on one side and in my back. I began feeling much better soon. The pain was slowly numbing away and I began to get comfortable....that is until the doc came in with my blood test results. He began asking more pointed questions about the birth control pills I mentioned to the nurse as the only medicine I was taking. He then announced "The reason I'm asking these questions is that your blood test shows you are pregnant." EXCUSE ME??????
WHOA!! Can I even begin to explain my complete confusion and range of bizarre emotions??

First of all....No Way! I take my pills faithfully. I don't miss pills. I am not late. I take them at the same time. 99.9% effective when used as directed....and I USE AS DIRECTED!!!!

Second of all....if I am pregnant and having severe pain and other symptoms of miscarriage...things must not be looking good.

Third of all (can I even say that?)...Should I be sad, excited, fearful, mad, anxious....what???

Well, we left the ER knowing that my hcg levels were at 166...a very low number meaning the pregnancy was in the process of miscarriage or the pregnancy was very very new. We were to keep that appointment with my dr and she would check things out on Monday. If my hcg levels doubled, the pregnancy had not miscarried and we would need to find some other reason for the symptoms. The numbers indicated that an ultrasound would reveal nothing....so basically...go home and wait.

Monday morning, we go to my dr appointment. The one where we were going to be discussing more permanent forms of birth control like an IUD or implantation device since we were done having children. The birth control I had been taking, Micronor, was prescribed for me while I was nursing Ethan. Apparently, it is 98% effective and not as strong as other forms of BC. We are the lucky 2%!! Instead if discussing birth control, we are having an ultrasound, which showed nothing but a very thin lining, indicating a bad pregnancy. My blood levels were drawn and I was to call back the next day for the hcg levels. If the levels were the same as at the ER or lower, I had indeed miscarried and would be put on birth control...the scenario which seemed most likely. If the hcg levels had doubled....we were pregnant and would return in a week to check things out, have an ultrasound and see if we could figure out what was going on. Again...go home and wait! Getting a little tired of go home and wait.

Pain and other symptoms continued through the night and the next day. I called late in the afternoon...thinking that my numbers would have fallen. I was resigned to a miscarriage. A little sad, wondering if the baby would have been a boy or girl, what it would have looked like but also a little bit relieved as I wasn't sure how to handle another baby, a pregnancy, a house already brimming with kids, my school to finish, and an open heart surgery this summer. I called the office and was told the number had risen...yes risen. From 166 to 542. I was to go in again in a week, on Monday. Go home and wait! I see a theme here.

So, I have had a few days to digest, to ponder, to try not to get attached as this could still be a tubal pregnancy or an impending miscarriage, something is obviously wrong and we don't know what yet....the emotions and worries are killing me!

Monday, after the dr...I will post what we know...hopefully the news will be good, and I will know if the news is good!!! I admit, I am trying not to get "attached" to the pregnancy...I am scared that things will turn out badly. My symptoms of miscarriage have all stopped...I'm assuming that is good and because I was going crazy...I took a home pregnancy test today and it still read positive. So for now, we are expecting. For now we are overwhelmed. For now I am once again trying to trust in the Lord. He is increasing my faith and teaching me that his ways are not my ways. I am blind but know that in His time, I will see.